By the time Abraham Sesay’s mother arrived at some of his youth basketball games, her son was already sitting on the bench.
"I'd get there after work and he'd already be sitting down," Kelly Sesay says with a laugh. "I'd say, 'You fouled out already?'"
That may not be a total surprise to many considering the 6-foot-5, 220-pounder is currently one of the nation’s most-feared pass rushers, but for those who truly know the Downingtown East High School standout outside the competitive lines, it’s incongruent with the Abraham they’re familiar with.
"I definitely think that he has this alter ego," Kelly says. "He turns it on."
Abraham the athlete and Abraham the student and kid are very different.
“If he's playing basketball, football, racing somebody down the street, he wants to win,” his mother says. “He’s very competitive.”
Away from competition, however, Kelly describes a much different son.
"He's a very kind kid,” she says.
That kindness is rooted in lessons Abraham learned long before college football entered the picture.
Mrs. Sesay and her husband have dedicated their careers to supporting people with intellectual and developmental disabilities, and those experiences helped shape Abraham's perspective from an early age. Growing up, he learned the importance of treating everyone with dignity, valuing differences, and showing respect and compassion to all people. While some children might feel uncomfortable around individuals whose experiences differ from their own, Abraham naturally gravitated toward people and formed connections with them without hesitation.
"We just tell him about being respectful and paying it forward," Kelly says. "He understands that people are different, but he tries to treat everybody the same."
Occasionally accompanying his mother to work made long-lasting impressions on Abraham, and more importantly others.
“I have a picture of him,” Mrs. Sesay says. “He's eight years old and I took him to a group home that I was supervising and one of the individuals was just having a behavior challenge and he walked up to her and grabbed her hand and sat on the couch with her and was reading her the story that he just learned and she immediately calmed down.
“Her parents always remember that and when I bring him around, the dad is like, ‘I always remember Abraham sitting on the couch with her.’
“Most kids can be scared or a little bit hesitant with people with intellectual disabilities due to some behavior challenges or just some quirks they might have and he wasn't afraid. He always gravitated to them.”
That broad perspective was reinforced at home as well. Sesay’s father immigrated from Sierra Leone and often shared stories about the obstacles he faced growing up.
"He knows what his father struggled with and his family and not even having the basic needs growing up," Kelly says. "So he understands how fortunate he is."
Sesay understands and appreciates how fortunate he is to be in the position he’s in as an elite student and an elite athlete.
“I always make sure that he has choices,” his mother says. “When you have intellectual disabilities or autism and you're depending on other people, you can't even choose when you want to eat, when you want to have a snack. You're depending on other people for every single thing.
“You have all this talent, you're educated, you're smart, you're handsome, you can go and do whatever you want. These people lack just the basic choice. They depend on people for everything. He understands how fortunate he is just based on his circumstances. Just being a young black man in this society is difficult and he has everything at his disposal to be great.”
As a top recruit with dozens of scholarship offers, Sesay certainly had choices. From virtually the start of the recruiting process, he always made it clear Notre Dame was one opportunity he was taking seriously because of the academic, athletic and cultural opportunities provided in South Bend.
“I think he thrives better in an in-person environment,” his mother says. “I remember Abraham coming home during COVID and being frustrated with virtual learning. He would tell us that he felt like he wasn't getting the same experience he would have gotten in the classroom. There were times when he felt the instruction wasn't as engaging or consistent as it should have been, and that really bothered him because he’s always been someone who wants to learn and be challenged.
“I think he thrives better in that environment and in-person classes are important to me and classes that don't have 200 and 300 people in it that are lecture style. I just think you learn better in a more intimate setting.
“And how it’s not just within the United States. I think Notre Dame is very international with international students there, I think he can learn from the culture on the campus. Abraham’s dad is from West Africa. He has a very different backstyle with the two cultures clashing, American and African culture. I think that international setting would help him as well.”
Last month, he made it official, announcing his commitment to Notre Dame during his official visit.
Mrs. Sesay is comfortable entrusting head coach Marcus Freeman and defensive line coach Charlie Partridge with her son.
“Coach Freeman seems to be a really great role model,” she says. “I know he has six kids himself and I know his son went to Cornell and has probably gone through a similar experience as my son. I think that's all aligned because he does understand that. I do feel like he has his kids’ and his players’ in his best interest.
“I spent a lot of time talking with Coach Charlie Partridge and I think with his background and his experience that he could take Abraham to the next level. I've seen them interact several times and they seem to gel.”
Sesay always downplayed the importance of NIL and his mother reinforced that stance.
“We're a middle class family,” she offers. “I don't think that he's lacking for anything for that to be his number one reason to go to a school and it never works out well anyway.
“We tell Abraham to think long-term, not just about today. The highest NIL offer doesn’t always mean it’s the best fit. We want him to choose a program that aligns with his future goals, provides lasting opportunities, and sets him up for success long after football. It’s about building a foundation, not just chasing the biggest paycheck.”
NIL will certainly come and it'll eventually go. The days of scholarship offers rolling have already stopped. Official visits are over and a decision has come.
What isn’t going to change is the person Kelly sees when the pads are off.
The one who understands how fortunate he is. The one who treats people with dignity regardless of their circumstances. The one who, as an eight-year-old, sat on a couch and read to someone who simply needed a friend.
That's not the version people will see on Friday nights this fall at Downingtown East High School or Saturdays in South Bend for the years ahead.
Those people will see the pass rusher, the competitor, the kid who plays basketball so aggressively that he’d foul out before his mother could even make it through the door.
Abraham Sesay has always had a bit of an alter ego. The pass rusher gets most of the attention, but the person may be the more important story.
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