Inside An Official Visit From A Parent’s Perspective
College football fans are pretty familiar with how official visits work for prospects, but how does it work for the parents?
I caught up with David Lacey, the father of 2019 Notre Dame defensive line commit Jacob Lacey , to get a feel for his experience this weekend.
Lacey has been committed to Notre Dame since July so the experience might be a little different, but it starts with two pieces.
“There is an academic side and a football side,” Lacey told Irish Sports Daily. “The first thing we did when we got there was meet with an academic advisor to go over Jacob’s transcripts. We looked at if he could even get in. It looked good and taken care of as he’s going to be an early enrollee. We had to make sure his classes and everything lined up.”
Lacey saw his son go through an admissions interview and more on the visit, but he also gained a sense of pride that his son was on track to enroll early.
“One thing I’ve learned and I do appreciate is the fact not everyone gets in,” stated Lacey. “Notre Dame isn’t lowering its standard too much because you’re a great football player. It gives a different culture for the kid, which as parents we like.”
When comes to the football piece, the Lacey family wanted to get a better feel for defensive coordinator Clark Lea.
In January, the Lacey family came up for Junior Day, but the official visit provided time to see Lea coach, but also to get to know him more as a person away from the field.
“We knew Coach (Mike) Elko really well, and he was a big factor why Jacob committed to Notre Dame,” explained Lacey. “Coach Lea has the same system, but I love the philosophy on how he deals with the kids.
“From a parents point of view, we’re looking at how they are going to handle my son because we’re not there. I have a mom losing her baby, and we have to make sure he’s in safe hands. We want to see who is taking care of him.”
Another aspect of the visit was to understand how the coaching staff handled everyday situations.
“We know Coach (Mike) Elston is a man that is going to take care of Jacob,” said Lacey. “Every day isn’t going to be 75 degrees and sunny. How does he handle Jacob when he’s having a bad day?
“It was also very important to get a feel for how Jacob is going to fit in schematically, but also in the dorms and classroom.”
But the time and effort Lea devoted to the Lacey didn’t go unnoticed.
“He’s a very cerebral quiet storm,” laughed Lacey. “He’s intense, but he’s not going to be a big yeller and in your face from what I can tell. He trusts you to get better and hold yourself accountable. He said ‘Don’t be afraid to tell me your fears.’
“If he gets on you, he’s going to tell his players how to fix it. He’s not going to just yell. He used an example of if you need to work on your footwork, he’s not going to say ‘Your footwork sucks.’ He’s going to teach you what you need to do to fix it.”
The ability to take time to teach his players what they were doing wrong made a huge impact on Lacey as he knew his son would be taught how to fix his game and not just get torn down.
“I’ve been to some schools where they just yell at the kid,” Lacey stated. “The kids walk around knowing their footwork is bad but don’t know why it’s bad. Coach Lea is going to explain why it’s bad and work with you to fix it."
Lacey was also able to see why Lea is thriving as a coach and mentor.
“He’s very family oriented, and that’s his release," Lacey explained. "He has a healthy perspective on football, which he’s very intense about, but he knows when to use the carrot and the stick.
"As Coach Elston says, ‘You can be demanding without being demeaning.’”
The Lacey’s had seen most of the sights and sounds of the Notre Dame campus, so it wasn’t about showing them the facilities or landmarks.
The quality time with the other parents made the trip into a great weekend as they directly spoke with other families in their situation.
“The best thing we did was in the evening,” explained Lacey. “We all met in the bar area of the hotel to have wine, Sprite or tea and we sat down and talked as parents. It was really great getting to know the other parents. We’ve gotten to know NaNa’s parents really well. Osita’s mother is just so sweet.
“I told them selfishly I’d love for them to be at Notre Dame because we enjoy hanging out with each other and the boys fit well together.”
Saturday night was a little different, but the same concept was applied. The recruits and families headed to Kelly’s lake house for the evening, and it allowed Kelly to shine.
“He was just a host,” stated Lacey. “He sat around and talked to everyone. On TV you see him on the sideline and going through a rough year in 2016, but I’ve gotten to know him as a parent over the last two years, and he’s got me.
“The philosophies on the process and the way he takes his time are impressive. We met Paqui (Kelly) and got to speak with her too. They were just hospitable. They were like a regular couple.
“Coach Kelly spent a lot of time with the Ellison’s. They looked like they talked for a good while. He was just the perfect host. I forgot he was a football coach. We played shuffleboard, and the boys were swimming in the heated pool. It was just a cookout with a great atmosphere.”
Kelly also ended the night speaking before everyone at his lake house, and the message hit home with everyone in the room.
“At the end of the night, Coach Kelly wrapped it up with everyone around him,” Lacey said. “He was speaking on some of his philosophies, and it wasn’t some crazy sales pitch. He’s interested in the humanity of it. It was very relaxed.”
It was clearly a great visit for the Lacey family as they experienced a new side of Notre Dame, but it also solidified everything they expected it to be.
“When you come up for a football game, it’s different than coming up for something like this,” said Lacey. “The boys got to see another side of Notre Dame. I even asked Jacob if he still wanted to go to Notre Dame because he got to spend time on campus and saw the social scene. Of course, he said yes, but it was just a different aspect he got to see.
“It’s second nature to be up there after this weekend.”
